September, October, November, and December — or “SOND”, as my dear friend Elizabeth refers to the four-month season — are my favorite months of the year. When September arrives, Declan and I begin screening It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown and Hocus Pocus. (Ok, we actually start doing that in August.) We also start wearing Halloween pajamas and playing spooky pranks on each other—like the one where Declan takes my wallet out of my purse, hides it in his playroom, and doesn’t reveal this to me until the hostess is calling our name at Cheesecake Factory after a 30-minute wait. That’s a real creeper.

By October we are in full swing: decorating our house with plastic jack o’ lanterns from Target and listening to Monster Mash, Thriller, and, kicking up the macabre, tunes from Nick Cave’s aptly-named album, Murder Ballads. Nothing says family Halloween fun like the too-true lyrics, “La la la, la la lie; all God’s children, they all gotta die.”

On a lighter note, I have been trying out some fun Halloween recipes for Declan—almost none of which he will so much as lick.

The Monster Cookies cooked up by Renato and Matt at Baked are no exception, but that should not be an indictment of this fine recipe. Teeming with peanut butter and oats, these oversized Elephant men of the cookie world could almost be called paleo—were it not for the flour, brown and granulated sugar, semisweet chocolate chips, and giant peanut butter M & Ms. Also — did the cavemen have baking powder?? I always wondered.

In case it isn’t otherwise obvious, I think paleo is a total load of crap. (Which is why discoveries like this fill me with such delight.)

The recipe follows, and, with it, a note of caution: this thing generates a shit-ton (technical term) of dough, so only bake off as many as you can eat in the first two days, after which the cookies grow disconcertingly hard and would make great edible hockey pucks. Any dough you haven’t used can be frozen and saved for your next stoner book club meeting—but not children’s party, as it is no longer safe to provide anything with nuts or nut-like legumes to young children, who are now somehow rampantly allergic to such things.

If I did it…this is exactly how I would have done it. (That was for you, Layla. And you, David. And you…OJ.)

Monster Cookies (adapted from Baked: New Frontiers in Baking)

1/2 c all-purpose flour
1 tbsp baking soda
pinch of salt
5 3/4 c rolled oats
3/4 c (1 1/2 sticks) cold unsalted butter, cut into cubes
1 1/2 c firmly packed light brown sugar
1 1/2 c granulated sugar
5 large eggs
1/4 tsp light corn syrup
1/4 tsp pure vanilla extract
2 c creamy peanut butter (Skippy or Peter Pan-type, not the fancy organic)
1 c (6 oz) semisweet chocolate chips
1 c (6 oz) peanut butter M&Ms (seasonal colors!)

First, assemble all of your ingredients. This obviates a situation in which you get to a late stage of the recipe and realize you don’t have something crucial and un-substitutable.

Dying mums optional. Also, note the Nordic Ware skull pan in the background. The pan is not a component of this recipe but, rather, a harbinger of eerie delights to come.

In a large bowl, whisk the flour, baking soda, and salt together. Add the oats and stir until ingredients are evenly combined.

In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream the butter until smooth and pale in color. Add the sugars and mix on low speed until just incorporated. Do not overmix.

Scrape down the bowl and add the eggs, one at a time, beating until smooth (about 20 seconds) and scraping down the bowl after each egg. Add the corn syrup (do not leave this out! according to the authors, it is integral to the cookie) and vanilla and beat until just incorporated.

Scrape down the bowl and add the peanut butter. Mix on low speed until just combined. Add the oat mixture in three additions, mixing on low speed until just incorporated.

Use a spatula or wooden spoon to fold in the chocolate chips and M&Ms. Cover the bowl tightly and refrigerate for 5 hours. (Feel free to sneak a few spoonfuls of dough during this Draconian, excessive waiting period.)

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Line two baking sheets with parchment paper or Silpat liners.

Use an ice cream scoop with a release mechanism to scoop out the dough in 2-tablespoon-size balls onto the prepared baking sheets, 2 inches apart. Sprinkle with Malden’s finishing salt. Bake for 12 to 15 minutes, rotating the pans halfway through the baking time, until the cookies just begin to brown. (Here in South Florida, with a kitchen well over 72 degrees F, I baked the cookies for 14 minutes; adjust depending on your personal knowledge of sea level, humidity, and the vagaries of your own oven.)

Let cool on the pans for 8 to 10 minutes before transferring the cookies to a wire rack to cool completely. Cookies can be stored in an airtight container for up to 3 days, but not in Florida, where they start to go south after day 2. Alternatively, you can freeze the baked cookies or, better yet, freeze the dough and bake them as needed.

Nothing scarier than a dozen cookies with no one to help you eat them. Thanks, Declan!